I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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