Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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