I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
