we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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