I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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