So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
