New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
