he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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