i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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