I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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