I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These tits shall not be calmed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
