i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
