My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drake has all the answers
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
