Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This baby is an asshole
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
