I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
