Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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