I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
