okay pat passed out under dana's car
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
