I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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