i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize