the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
