Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
