party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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