That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
