Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
