when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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