Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
