Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
