I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
