This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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