You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
