the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
