yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
