I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
