He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
