i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
