Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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