Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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