when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
