Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
