you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Semen is not good for contacts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
