Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
