imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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