if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
