It was confusing and full of hummus
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
