i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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