I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
