Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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