Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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