I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
