He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
